Stress, What Stress?
My body sent me a New Year's message: "You think you've got it under control, but you are a stressed, look deeper, this is just a warning."
On my Mind This Week
Last week, my body dictated that my early January reflections focus on stress. The left sided rib pain I experienced over Christmas week was joined by a few small bumps along my back, just below my bra line, as the year tumbled towards its end. By New Years Eve, the bumps spread to a rash that was unmistakably shingles. If you are unfamiliar with the shingles virus, it is a reactivation of the Varicella-Zoster Virus, the same virus that causes chickenpox. Anyone who has had chickenpox, is susceptible to shingles and 1 in 3 adults will contract it. But here is the thing, it is often diagnosed in adults over 50 or those with compromised immune systems.
Stress is the trigger.
I am not yet 50 and I do not have a compromised immune system. I was also under the impression that I was managing stress well. In fact, I have been working with my functional medicine doctor to reduce all stress (good and bad) for a 4 month period in order to reset my GI system. (More on that update in a future post!) I’ve been walking frequently, doing yoga and pilates instead of the intense workouts I’m inclined towards. I’ve reduced my caffeine intake and often take time to stretch and just breathe before climbing into bed to read.
I’ve always prided myself on my ability to listen to the needs of my body, but this painful and physical expulsion of stress from my nervous system is a clear shout to be heard over the drum of continuous whispers that my physical body has trained me to hear. It is irrefutably time to give my nervous system the same attention and reflection that I give my musculoskeletal system.
At a Mastermind for Food Writers meeting a month or two ago, we were asked to think about our innate value, which would then lead us to being able to write from our place of quintessence. And while I haven’t got it entirely figured out, a few words that have repeatedly come up from clients and friends is that I have a calming and comforting presence, despite the situation. I was known for this as an inner city paramedic, years before teaching others about holistic health and seasonal foods. I don’t tend to get outwardly frazzled (my husband and children would probably disagree, but I save my outbursts for them!), and I feel as though I thrive in the center of chaotic situations, busy schedules, and looming deadlines. As a teen and young adult I was happiest chasing adrenaline sports, travel with friends and the anticipation of experiencing something unknown. So what I’m getting at is that while I seem to bring calm to others, I believe I’m constantly seeking the dopamine hit of accomplishing goals within the eye of the storm. As a middle aged Mom who is severely lacking in adrenaline inducing activities, I may be creating unnecessary stress for myself by making my task list feel like someone’s life is at stake if I don’t get through it.
The sympathetic nervous system and its ‘fight or flight’ personality is not meant to be our default operating mode. Continuously high cortisol and its negative effects have become commonplace terms and the wellness community (legit, wannabe, and opportunistic) is spitting out solutions from every avenue we turn down. I have personally spent time with clients recommending lifestyle changes to reduce stress levels, with the aim of living within the parameters of the parasympathetic nervous system more often. Yoga, meditation, herbal teas, walks with friends, time in nature…the studies will tell us that these tools can get us there, but here is what often goes unstated and what I believe I have gotten wrong with my own attempts to ‘destress’. You have to be ready to change your mindset, not just your behaviors, and there are no easily accessible ‘tools’ for shifting the way we have trained our brains to move through the day.
And this mind shift is 100% necessary in my quest for long term health. A review paper in 2024 states that, “Chronic stress significantly alters gene expression, impacting inflammation, immune response, and tissue development” (Shchaslyvyi, et al, 2024). In short, chronic stress impacts every aspect of our daily and long term health and without effective stress reduction, we are increasing our chances of succumbing to all the chronic diseases we aim to avoid through proper diet, exercise and lifestyle choices. I, for one, have spent enough of my life ignoring the uncurrent of stress that runs through every hour of my day, wiggling its way into the exact diet, exercise and lifestyle choices that I believe are part of my quest for long-term health. Beneath every choice, there is the question, “Am I doing this right?” Am I choosing the correct dietary and exercise patterns for me? Am I following through as I’m meant to? Are these choices negatively impacting my children? Am I destressing effectively? The questioning needs to cease and acting with confidence, spontaneity, and joy needs to be more prevalent.
While seeking my innate value, I have also recognized what I do not bring to the table. Playful, joyful, and fun are not among my default operating modes. I take life seriously. I approach task lists with fervor, chores with determination, hobbies with the goal of perfection. There is an incessant thrumming driving me to reach for increased productivity, but to what end and what am I trying to prove?
I do not want my life to be a race to the end. It’s already moving too fast and I’m ready to press pause on the meaningful moments. I’m ready to start enjoying what I’m so grateful to have…an incredible family, good health, financial stability, access to the natural world, and so much more. This is easy to write down, significantly harder to make a reality.
So as I continue into my month of reflection, I know that living more joyfully and with less intensity is one of my objectives, but it’s not a feasible goal. Figuring out the goals that will get me there will be a true challenge. For a start, I will be adding the following questions to my reflections list;
When do I truly feel at ease?
What makes me laugh?
Can I think of situations in my adult life where I felt completely at peace with myself?
I’d love to hear if this resonates with you or if you’ve got suggestions for me. This is a revelation I can’t address on my own.
This is a revelation that I can’t just create a to-do list to overcome, it’s going to take skills I do not currently possess, nor do I know where to find them. It’s a revelation that I’m grateful my body guided me towards, but as I prepare to publish this essay, I’m aware of how much work is ahead.
My body silently roars with the palpitations of an overcaffeinated teenager, the questions pulsing through my veins faster than I can acknowledge them; Did I get my point across? Will anyone read this? Do I want anyone to read this? Am I broken? Have I divulged too much? How will I follow this up if I never figure it out?
So I sit here…I take deep breaths, I drink my chamomile tea, I look at what’s next on today’s to-do list. Because these are things I’m supposed to do, the things I know how to do.
References:
Shchaslyvyi, A. Y., Antonenko, S. V., & Telegeev, G. D. (2024). Comprehensive Review of Chronic Stress Pathways and the Efficacy of Behavioral Stress Reduction Programs (BSRPs) in Managing Diseases. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 21(8), 1077. https://doi.org/10.3390/ijerph21081077
Holistic Wellness
Holistic wellness encompasses every aspect of life that affects our daily health and the pursuit of optimal longevity. Mental, physical, and environmental factors contribute to how we feel, how we see the world around us, and how we move into the future. I’m a firm believer that a life of moderation is key to overall wellness and that no idea, single path, or diet is meant to consume us. Be open to trying new things, varying your routine, and listening to what others have to share, even if you’re not sure you agree.
Lifestyle
It’s tough to provide lifestyle tips when I’ve just confessed that I don’t have all the answers! But acknowledging what we don’t know is an important part of being authentic and authenticity is what I’m suggesting we dig for this week. If you’ve given any thought to last week’s suggestion of reflection, here are some follow up questions and activities that might help you determine what’s authentic to you.
What is one activity that you can add to your schedule once a week that excites you? (Don’t think grand here, just simple. 10 minutes of a puzzle, daily walk to look at scenery, one chapter of a book, listen to music, dance in the kitchen).
What are the potential barriers for making that happen?
What can you do to make sure those barriers don’t prevent you for engaging in that activity?
What are 3 things you can do to make this activity more likely to happen without barriers.
What is one activity that you can add to your schedule once a month that excites you? (Continue to think small, but maybe a little more involved. Go on a hike, visit a new restaurant/coffee shop, get together with a friend, call someone you enjoy talking to).
Follow the same process as above.
Fitness
As a continuation of finding your authentic needs, I’m going to reiterate something I suggested in a previous post. Try as many different types of fitness as you want and decide what feels good to you. Tune out the messages about what ‘everyone’ says you should be doing based on your age, your sex, your weight and just see what feels good to you.
I’ve spent the last 2+ months avoiding high intensity exercise as a favor to my gut and while it seems to be working, I know that I will feel more like me when I return to it. My body craves the high pulse rate and dripping sweat, but I also now realize my body needs rest and I look forward to working towards a balance of high intensity workouts, yoga, pilates, hikes, mountain biking and stretching. Spin class, group classes and road biking…nope those aren’t for me. I’ve tried and maybe I’ll be open to them in future, but for now they don’t serve me.
Nutrition
While there are some basic principals of healthy eating that I encourage others to subscribe to; mostly whole foods, seasonal and local, as much variety as possible, I also fully believe that we need honor the season we are in, not just the environmental season, but the season of life. As we move through the seasons of our lives, our nutritional needs may vary, the time available for food shopping and preparation will change, the number of people we are trying to feed will ebb and flow, and our own motivation will waver from time to time.
Honor the season you are in and make the best decisions you can for your circumstance.
Do not allow guilt to be a part of your nutritional reflections (hourly, daily, or longer).
Don’t set nutritional expectations you can’t meet. If you know you can’t make a meal from scratch every night, despite wanting it for yourself and your family, find solutions that provide a compromise.
What can you purchase pre chopped or pre made that will allow you to quickly put together a meal you’re proud to serve?
Choose take out or restaurants that offer nutritionally dense food and order those, just because it’s take out night doesn’t mean it has to be a nutritional write off.
Use reflections to understand what works for you and what doesn’t so you can make changes going forward.
Do you like food prepping for a few hours on a day off, or would you rather double up on recipes as you go through the week?
When you don’t cook, what would help you to eat food you feel good about?
How can you make this possible in the future?
Recipe
Baked Chicken Parm
This is the recipe I teach to people who don’t like to cook, say they can’t cook or don’t have time to cook. It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s comforting. On the days, you just don’t want to…this can still be made!
Recs for Good People and Good Information
Article: This post from Becca is great for any of us who garden. As seed buying season is upon us, it’s easy to sucked into buying all the fun things the catalogues have to offer, but sticking with what you enjoy growing & eating and what thrives in your garden and your climate is the best way to reduce stress for the gardening season ahead.
Book: It must have been some sort of divine intervention that brought Mira Dessy into my (virtual for now) life. In addition to enjoying her notes and posts, I joined her Healthy Readers Book club and while I’m less than a chapter into the current book “Radical Acceptance, Embracing Your Life With the Heart of Buddha”, I feel I’ve found the first resource that may help guide me to a life lived less intensely. There is plenty of time to join as this book will not be discussed until February.
Welcome to Table Root Farm
Table Root Farm is a physical place that holds a large garden, a handful of chickens, a charming AirBnb, and a unique ability to melt away the stresses of daily life. For this reason, it’s also the virtual place that hosts my newsletter, my social media platforms, and my musings.
My name is Kalee Tilli and I’m a Holistic Nutritionist, living and learning in a North Atlanta suburb. My heart lives in the mountains of Colorado, but for now, my two teenage sons, husband and I are exploring life as southerners. I teach cooking classes focusing on local, seasonal produce, while trying to remind myself and my clients that guilt has no place at the table. There are many seasons of our lives and most will not include eating a diet of exclusively home prepared, seasonal and local foods. My newsletter aims to share a bit of whatever is on my mind, Holistic Wellness tips, Recipes, and recommendations.
“You have to be ready to change your mindset, not just your behaviors, and there are no easily accessible ‘tools’ for shifting the way we have trained our brains to move through the day.” So true! I have had many experiences of making a decision to do something or not do something while KNOWING I would not follow through.
It’s an interesting insight into the human experience to recognize that we can’t force ourselves to do anything until we’re ready. It’s one of the reasons I get frustrated with a lot of self-help stuff… it chronicles someone else’s experience in a way that suggests if we just do what they did, we’ll be golden. But even they couldn’t have done what they did if they weren’t them and if they weren’t ready.
I also love the perspective that recognizing our innate value includes naming, and owning, who we are not. I sometimes have a weird expectation that someday I’m going to be the kind of person who (fill in the blank). Like I’m going to wake up one day with a different personality. It’s nuts. If I’m not that now, I’m probably not going to be that then.
In our family, one of the things the four of us say the most often is, "we are who we are". Usually, it's in recognition of some core personality trait, positive or negative, it doesn't matter. It's an acceptance that while we will hopefully continue to grow, who we are is not likely to change and that's ok.
I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with shingles. The good news is you know so much about how to support yourself. Hopefully it resolves quickly.