Community Requires Vulnerability
Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable enough to let others in isn't easy, but building community without it is nearly impossible.
On my Mind This Week
The algorithms have been feeding me community, seeing through the cracks of my hardened (I don’t need anyone) exterior. My need for connection and purpose within a deeper framework has begun to widen those cracks and I’m here for it, a baby bird ready to face the world with my vulnerabilities on display. But unlike a baby bird, I’ve got life experiences on my side, allowing me to be an integral part of a community, not just a dependent.
Building community requires generosity AND vulnerability. When tragedy strikes; illness, death, violence, mass oppression, there is no question as to the vulnerability of those involved. People come together to offer support, a community is built. Creating community on a less significant scale is different. Someone needs to be the first to show their vulnerability to those around them. It can start small, asking for a cup of sugar or a spice you don’t keep on hand. Asking if someone can help get a child from place A to place B takes more trust and asking a neighbor to go into your messy home because you may have left the stove on creates camaraderie. A willingness to let others into our real lives, the lives we lead behind our fenced yards and thick walls is how community is built. It’s ironic really, that a willingness to give isn’t enough. A willingness to ask and receive is required. Once a member of a group has shown the crack in their shell, others will be more willing to do the same, slowly building a connection strengthened through genuine relationships.
As someone who has moved with relative frequency throughout my life, I am coming to truly appreciate the communities I have belonged to. I am also becoming painfully aware of the missed opportunities for connection. The desire to belong to a picture perfect community has us looking into the future instead of living in the moment, appreciating the community that could be growing in the now. I am guilty of this, always looking forward to my next adventure, my next home, my next phase of life. I have often reflected on places I’ve lived and thought, “Gosh, I wish I had taken advantage of the opportunities that were available there.”
I am currently living in Georgia, a place I never wanted to live, and I have spent much of my time here dreaming about when I can move back to Colorado. I can picture my home, my activities, my wardrobe, and the people I’ll spend my time with. But here is the thing…I’ve met so many wonderful people here, participated in book clubs, cooking clubs, and the club that is sports parenting. By looking forward, I am missing out on really being available to the community that is growing around me. By covering my vulnerabilities with an expressed desire to be elsewhere, I’m creating a barrier to those who are happy here, and who are happy to have me here.
Holistic Wellness
Holistic wellness encompasses every aspect of life that affects our daily health and the pursuit of optimal longevity. Mental, physical, and environmental factors contribute to how we feel, how we see the world around us, and how we move into the future. I’m a firm believer that a life of moderation is key to overall wellness and that no idea, single path, or diet is meant to consume us. Be open to trying new things, varying your routine, and listening to what others have to share, even if you’re not sure you agree.
Lifestyle
Social relationships have a positive impact on longevity, health, and life satisfaction. Prioritizing our social relationships is not always easy, especially during the busy years of work, child rearing, and ageing parents. By making the extra effort to connect during all seasons of our lives, we increase the probability that we will have a community to rely on as we enter our own years of increasing dependence. I have been making an increased effort to strengthen my social relationships, old and new as my New Year Reflections solidified the knowledge that having people in my life brings me joy, people I can be there for and people I can rely on.
Make a list of people that have been an important part of your community, past and present.
Decide on a time frame that works for you, maybe one a week or one a month and reach out to those people in any way that makes sense.
Meet for a coffee
Send a handwritten note
Host a dinner party, lunch get together, cocktail hour, impromptu get together
Drop off a spice, kitchen gadget, or a plant you know they might enjoy
Schedule a call to catch up
Send a text, meme, or GIF…just a little “I’m thinking of you.”
Now create a list of activities, groups, or people you would be interested in being involved with.
Without overthinking or overscheduling yourself, decide if any of these activities, groups or people might have a place in your current schedule.
Can you attend that bookclub, knitting group, mahjong night, hiking group, etc…?
Is there something that currently takes up time that can be dropped in place of one of these activities? ( I say let the laundry go!)
Lastly, create a list of things that you could use from others and list some names you might feel comfortable asking for those things from.
The occasional missing grocery or pantry item
A Carpool opportunity
A dog walking partner
A mentor for something you aren’t great at (finances, wardrobe cleanout, meal planning, scheduling)
Someone to help put together furniture that arrives in a jumble of pieces
Someone who can help with a flat tire or bike repair
Fitness
Thirteen years ago I saw a flyer at my son’s school for a weekly run club. I had an infant and had not run during my pregnancy, but I was desperate for connection and a runner’s high. I showed up to that first run club with my Bob stroller and nervous energy. Today, 3 of those women are my closest friends and an important part of my community. You can read about this community in this newsletter.
I can also tell you that I’ve joined many different group fitness experiences that didn’t suit me and I currently prefer working out solo. But I did read about a women’s hiking club recently and I’m intrigued, as I know the deep connections that can be built when a common goal of fitness and community is shared.
I urge you to try different types of group fitness, even if you think you prefer to sweat solo.
You may find that while you prefer strength alone, you like cardio with friends…or vice versa.
Remember that while you may not have connected at a particular yoga, pilates or zumba class, it could be the studio and not the activity.
Different studios and gyms tend to attract different clientele and it could take time to find your people.
Nutrition
My belief in bio-individuality literally means that nutrition is personal and individual, but this does not mean that you need to face nutritional goals and obstacles alone. One of the greatest determining factors of living a long, healthy life is how often you sit down to eat with others. Friendship and conversation is an essential ingredient in the healthiest recipes.
Don’t be afraid to discuss your nutritional needs and goals with others. You will often find someone who is doing something similar or with similar challenges.
Be a safe place for others to join you for a meal, even if it means bringing your own packed lunches.
I recently hosted a dinner party and one of my guests is Celiac. A few days prior to the dinner, she told me that while she trusted me, she was going to bring her own dinner. I was in no way offended and just happy that she felt comfortable telling me and would still attend rather than find an excuse not to be there.
Kitchen Realities
Honestly, the past 7 days in my kitchen has been a complete blur…it’s a good thing I take photos or I would never recall what happened and what didn’t. Photos are also great for showing me what was missing from our week of consumption. I’m sad to admit that color was severely lacking this past week. I’m thankful for Michelle Seguin MD ‘s cookbook club because it got me looking at this month’s book “Sour Cherries and Sunflowers” by Anastasia Zolotarev and a recipe that put the only bit of color to be found on our table this week! (Pic below)
As I studied the fridge last Wednesday, I determined the leftovers were starting to feel a bit repetitive which is when I recalled that an Airbnb guest had left a full bag of store brand Tater Tots in the freezer, an item I would never purchase, but was confident my kids would be thrilled about. The result was a tater tot casserole featuring the remaining 2+ pounds of ground beef from last week’s kitchen updates. Thursday we upgraded to sous vide cooked steaks from our local cow, served alongside sunchokes and brussel sprouts roasted with honey and spices. If you aren’t familiar with sous vide, it’s a cooking method I could not live without. I’ll plan to give more info in a future post. Feel free to let me know if this is something you want to know about!
Last week’s leftover buckwheat was combined with leftover steak and roasted veggies for lunch on Friday and then combined with collards, the remaining pre-cooked chicken patties and some onions for lunch on Saturday.
The weekend started with tacos and margs at a local bar and was busy with soccer games Saturday and Sunday, and a hike that my husband and I snuck in on Saturday afternoon. We ate food from the Whole Food’s hot bar, Starbuck’s egg bites, Pasta with sauce and sausage (prepared by our kiddo while we were hiking), and chips. We consume a good amount of chips in our house, tortilla chips are always around and eaten with salsa or homemade guac. We’ve also taken to trying all the new avocado oil chips. The Dill Pickle ones are hard to resist.
Our Super Bowl menu was a Collard, Kale & Cabbage Salad with pears, pecans and blue cheese, Ground beef Nachos and an attempt at making Mozzarella ‘sticks’ with fresh mozz slices and balls. I would say it was remotely successful, but could use some work!
Monday was One Pan Shrimp & Rice (recipe below) for dinner and I have no recollection of what else was consumed that day. Tuesday we had a special delivery from Gold Belly, which is a delivery service that features food from restaurants across the country. I received a gift card for my birthday and was thrilled to find Lamb Flatbreads from a Lebanese restaurant in NYC. My son loved lamb flatbreads from the Duke of York Square Food Market when we lived in London and it was fun to have these delivered for his birthday. I paired those with Anastasia’s Cabbage and Cranberry Slaw from this month’s cookbook club, which finally delivered some color to our dinner table! We finished it all off with a Cardamom & Orange Marble Cake. Phew. Here’s to looking for some more greens and produce on the table next week, although as I sit here writing this at 4:30 pm, knowing that I drive soccer carpool in 20 mins and am traveling to SC on Friday morning, I’m aware I’ll need to make a concerted effort!
Garden Updates
The black tarps have been removed from the garden and the soil has spent the week soaking up the early spring sun. I’m hoping to see it workable in the next week and will be broad forking as soon as it has dried out a bit. I really need to swing by my neighbor’s farm for some of her incredible compost, but we shall see if that works its way into the schedule.
The silicone seed cells have been washed* and I will be planting snapdragons, eggplants, two varieties of tomatoes and three varieties of peppers over the weekend. These will go under the grow lights in my basement closet for the next 8ish weeks.
*If you reuse containers from previous seasons, it’s important to wash them out well to remove any bacteria that may have existed in those plants and containers. Gardening has enough obstacles…no need to make life harder than it needs to be by bringing last season’s bacteria into this season’s plantings!
Recipe
One Pan Shrimp and Rice. Please let me know if you’d prefer to get the recipes in a second email each week or if you prefer to just get one email and access the recipe through a link in the weekly newsletter.
Recs for Good People and Good Information
Inspiring Substack: Maggie J has been publishing some powerful ideas about community and I highly suggest you cruise over and check out what she has to say. I have appreciated having her insights as I navigate my own thoughts on community.
This article by Elizabeth Pizzinato talks about what we are not seeing and I think it’s a perfect compliment to today’s post on community. What we don’t see is an important as what we do see.
Book: How to Tell a Story; The Essential Guide to Memorable Story Telling from The Moth. Being able to share stories helps to create connection and I’ve loved reading this book and learning the intricacies of good story telling.
Welcome to Table Root Farm
Table Root Farm is a physical place that holds a large garden, a handful of chickens, a charming AirBnb, and a unique ability to melt away the stresses of daily life. For this reason, it’s also the virtual place that hosts my newsletter, my social media platforms, and my musings.
My name is Kalee Tilli and I’m a Holistic Nutritionist, living and learning in a North Atlanta suburb. My heart lives in the mountains of Colorado, but for now, my two teenage sons, husband and I are exploring life as southerners. I teach cooking classes focusing on local, seasonal produce, while trying to remind myself and my clients that guilt has no place at the table. There are many seasons of our lives and most will not include eating a diet of exclusively home prepared, seasonal and local foods. My newsletter aims to share a bit of whatever is on my mind, Holistic Wellness tips, Recipes, and recommendations.
I love sending and receiving hand written mail❤️. I feel confident my grandchildren will never know the pleasure😥
I am just so glad I get to read your words, especially these. What a gift these posts are.